I am pretty sure I am failing every day as a mom. I don’t say this to gain your sympathy–in fact, I don’t know a mom out there, who doesn’t feel like this 6 days out of 7. It is just a part of mothering–we too often, believe we are failing, believe we aren’t coming through for our kids, believe we are screwing them up, believe we just don’t have what it takes.
It sucks–this part of being a mom. The constant judging oneself, the constant comparing, the constant feeling of messing up.
And the spiral of despair begins–it starts with just one lie I start believe about myself, about my parenting and all of a sudden I am the worst mom in the world and my kids deserve better! I mean, good grief–that was fast! Have you been there? In that dark moment, when the tears start–when you lock yourself in the bathroom because it is the only room in the house that actually has a lock and you look in the mirror and think to yourself, “What am I missing?!?”
This is what I am often missing in my mothering–not grace for my kids, because, to be honest, I think I give grace to them often. I am talking about grace for myself. I don’t give myself grace. I am missing GRACE.
Each and every day, I place an immeasurable amount of pressure on myself–I make the day about how much I can accomplish, and because of this–I miss the beautiful moments of grace God gives to me through my children. I miss grace.
I miss those beautiful moments where I believe God is letting me know that I am just the mom for my kids.
I almost missed a moment this morning. I was rushed, preoccupied with so many things going on in our life right now–that as I drove to church with the kids, I almost didn’t notice. I almost didn’t notice, our four year old, J, singing along with the radio. I almost didn’t notice, his sweet little voice belting out with confidence and trust, “Your love defends me, your love defends me.”
I almost didn’t notice.
I almost didn’t notice God’s grace bestowed in that moment.
I almost didn’t notice God assuring me that I am a good mom.
I almost didn’t notice my son, singing praises to the God I hope and pray he will one day commit his life to.
I almost didn’t notice.
I hope that I am never too overwhelmed, too stressed, too preoccupied that I miss another beautiful moment like this.
May God open our eyes, that we might see grace, give grace and receive grace in the every day mothering moments we are faced with and blessed with.